Sunday, January 24, 2010

bottled up

I've always been a feisty kid. For me I never saw anything wrong with being feisty. It has always worked to my advantage. One of those advantages was that I get the upper hand in getting to know someone else first. Since they think I'm mataray, they don't have the guts to be closey closey with me. And with that I get to know whether she's a worthy friend or person to be with. It's only when I do get to feel comfortable with that person do I show my weird side. It has always been that way...And I've always liked it that way.

But recently I'm finding myself uber mellowed down by my new environment. I should really see it as something good but I've been having mixed emotions about it because I feel like it's not me anymore. My gosh! Me not not not laughing out loud...and me being JUDGED by other people. Now that's the bitter pill that's hard to swallow. It's been really hard to adjust and I've allowed 2 months for me to get comfortable with my new self. But still I feel like I've been bottled up. People say I should open my mind up to it. Seriously I have.

And no matter how much I've been warming up to my new tasks, the task of adjusting to a new me is bringing me down. Maybe some more time. Hopefully I'll learn to adjust to my new self in no time.

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