When You've Stopped....

The title of the blog is a free-for-all, end-it-yourself, thing. But I'd like to end it by: "When You've Stopped Doing The Thing You Love The Most It Makes You Feel Sad". And I guess everybody would have to agree on this.

Out of boredom and vanity I tried to Google my name. So I typed my whole name and VOILA! Besides seeing my cousins' names on the pages (since they're doctors) most of the entries that came out had my name on it - the bulk of it came from the Wordpress blog of the publishing company I used to work in, while there were other entries from other websites like that of the Mu Sigma Phi fraternity.

I was surprised to see my articles. Like a kid opening his/her presents on Christmas day, I started going through them one-by-one. I couldn't help texting my Mom about it. But the happy and proud moment was gone as soon as it came.

As I was reading the articles, I realized how much I miss writing articles. I'm still a writer here at Solar, but it's not the same as what I used to write. Don't get me wrong, I have finally opened my mind to this new job, and personally I feel like I'm doing really good. The thing that made my 2.5 years stint at FAME special was that it wasn't just an ordinary magazine. It was a medical magazine. Attending medical conventions and press conferences with the secretary of health was the usual thing. Interviews and photo shoots with doctors make up most of the editorial job. Reading medical journals on the latest breakthroughs was a common thing everyday. I thought I would never survive, but then, I did.

This was what I texted my Mom: "I just feel sad that I don't get to write articles anymore since it's what I really want to do. But it's nice to see the articles after several months. I remember the days when all I do is complain about the non-stop work but it was fulfilling because you were to do so much and survive it all."

I may not have worked in the perfect working environment, but for me writing was perfect. I still contribute for FAME, but it's not as fulfilling as being a staff writer. I feel like it's half-baked because I don't get to take photos, call up the doctor to make an appointment or something. I really enjoyed going to those medical conferences and learning stuff about cardiology, pathology, neurology, and all the ogy's of medicine. I guess I became a geek in that way. I never had background on medicine, but what I had was background on writing. And to me it was enough to fuel my medical writing. Interviewing those doctors was always a treat. And I got to learn a whole lot of stuff on medicine. I got to know the things that only doctors or nurses should know, and it was cool! To me my medical writing stint was a blast. I knew that not everybody could've done that, but I did, and it made it even more special. It was fun when my cousins who are doctors got to be part of my articles and they enjoyed reading it.

The plus factor came when Travel Plus was launched. I became head writer for a while, and it was cool to get to go to places, stay in hotels for free, eat food for free, and tour for free. I could've lived that life, and I could use a pretty good vacation. Traveling with my friends in FAME was always a treat. To us it was our well-deserved R&R. And damn do I miss it!

So my advice, don't ever stop doing what you love to do. If it has started to bring you down or burn you out, try something to take your mind of it. Do something different to make you miss it, but at the same time make you come back. BUT NEVER EVER LET GO. You will only end up either feeling sorry for yourself, and you will always end up regretting that day you turned your back on it. Do you want to live in regret? Well, who does!

But at the back of my mind, I still wish things would turnaround in FAME. It's a perfect place to learn the ropes in editorial work. I am sure as hell proud of the things I learned there. But it's sad to see how things work inside. I'm praying for an improvement. And I hope God grants it! It has potential but it doesn't grow because of certain things I don't want to mention. Well, you can't have it all.

Right now, I'm just really torn between staying in a better company but not doing what I really want, and going back to a _ _ _ _ _ _ company but I get to do what I really love. Shit! Who ever said that making decisions were easy! I guess it's not when you're getting older and have to think about the future.