24 years after EDSA I: What Now?

People will kill me if they read this blog, even my own Mother probably would join the group who would kill me! :p

But seriously I am NR (no reaction) to the EDSA anniversary celebrations. February 25 is just an ordinary day. First off, I was too young (at 5 months old) to even care about what was happening back then. But like many people my age, or even younger than me, could only hear about the things that happened during those historic days. We've seen pictures, footages, documentaries, and read articles about EDSA. We know of Ninoy Aquino and how his death triggered the anger of the people. We know that the EDSA revolution kicked Marcos out and brought Cory Aquino in. And we know about it because of the stories that have been passed on for 24 years.

I don't recall learning about the EDSA Revolution in my grade school or high school years in St. Scholastica's College. More so when I was in college in La Salle. It was never in our syllabus. If it was so important, then maybe our professors would have made that extra and necessary move to talk to us about it. I didn't go to a school that didn't play a role in EDSA. Our Benedictine nuns are so damn proud for having Cory Aquino as our alumna. She was a frequent guest of honor in some of St. Scho's important events. DLSU on the other hand played a crucial role in the counting of ballots in the election. The La Sallian Brothers are said to be very close to Cory, which we saw during her death. But we never, dedicated a single class to talk about EDSA.

But now, I would have to say that I am nonchalant about it. Yes sure we gained our freedom. My Mom has never-ending stories about EDSA, I've heard her talk to me about it a gazillion times. She would always make kwento about people sharing because there were people coming in bringing the rallyists food and drinks for FREE. But I'd like to stop and say, "so what?", or "I don't care!". Maybe I don't care because I wasn't there. Maybe I don't care because I just don't. Maybe I don't care because whatever is happening NOW in THE PRESENT doesn't reflect the past. But whatever the bottom line is I don't care at all.

For the first time, and it gives me a taste of bile in my mouth to say that I'd have to agree with Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo when she said that the glory of EDSA I has long since been destroyed. I never thought I'd say it but I actually found myself nodding in agreement while reading the article over at the Inquirer website. How could we even say that the spirit of EDSA lives on? Look at the corruption, look at the human rights violation, look at the moral degradation of the Filipinos. Everything that my Mom and all the other people fought for in 1986 has long-since evaporated into thin air. How could you not agree?

And please, please, please! Don't give me the argument that Noynoy Aquino being elected as president of the country would bring the glory days back. Honestly, I don't think he's right for the presidency. Bubot pa siya, hindi pa hinog, marami pa siyang kakaining bigas to be president. Him carrying the Aquino last name or the Aquino blood running in his veins doesn't automatically make him a savior of our degrading politics. As my friend Miya called him before, he was the "lesser evil" compared to Villar or Gordon. But if he wins, well good luck Mr. Aquino. I imagine you being exactly like your Mom, being thrown into the highest position in our country, with thoughts of you saving our country, only to be ridiculed in the end. That's what my Mom said about Cory. Months after her grand entrance in Malacanang, did the difficulties set in.

So now, here we are 24 years after EDSA and I don't see people happy about celebrating it. Even the people who played a crucial role during those days weren't even there to celebrate it. Maybe because they know it's useless and pointless. I don't want to be called cynical here, but I just love laying down facts. I don't believe just because people has stories to tell about a bygone era. I want to believe because I see how it has affected people. And if EDSA I was such a life changing event, then why are we even more stuck in this quagmire?

To me that was their own story to tell, EDSA I to me and all of us, is but a distant memory. Today this is the story that I could share. That the Philippine government is far worse than ever. Our living conditions unbearable. Our leaders selfish and corrupt. Is this what EDSA I is supposed to promote?

I think not!

"Argh!" blog

I haven't been updating my blog as much as I want to. Last week had been a busy week! Didn't realize how much work we needed to do already! I'm still sort of adjusting to this because for the past 2 months it had been so relaxed. But at least I get to do something to pass the time away!

Anyway, I know I ranted in my last blog about the dog. But I just feel a bit whiny today. I'm just getting so frustrated! I've been jogging 3-4 times a week and I've lessened my food intake (especially the rice), but it looks like I haven't lost weight, in fact it even looks like I'm gaining!!

It's so frustrating because I'm doing the things that need to be done. But still here I am getting bigger and bigger! I don't drink Starbucks as much as I used to, actually I don't drink Starbucks at all anymore! I'm not really a chichiria girl so it's not a big problem for me. I've been eating less rice, and I don't eat rice in the evening anymore. And the thing is, I jog! I try to move around especially on weekdays because I'm stuck in the office for more than 10 hours.

I don't know how much I've stressed on the fact that I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do anymore. AARRGGGHHHH!!

And in fairness, the new Pepsi ad makes sense. This 2010 Huwag Maging Nega! But still being negative is the easiest thing. Like as early as today, I think it's a bad day! Today's a supposed holiday for students right? But this morning, Buendia (fronting Mapua) was a bottleneck. I don't get why because I've been taking that route for about 3 months now and it's the first time it has ever happened, AND ON A HOLIDAY!! Mapua is closed for the day because their students are on holiday. But still TRAFFIC! Darn it!

So yeah it's weird! With that I think it's a bad day already. Ergo, very easy to be on the negative side. Oh well I'm just gonna let it all out on my project today. I'm gonna try to finish all my concepts today! If there's one thing I hate, it's being swamped with work!!

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

The Art of Being Let Down

I haven't written in a while. Looks like projects have started piling in. And since it's still just the 3 of us (minus the senior creative writer), whoever has lighter load gets to have more projects. The past couple of days have been spent writing copy and scripts! So not much time to blog.

But anyway, here's the real reason why I was really itching to blog. It all started last night when my Mom showed me this ad on Shih Tzu puppies. I've been begging and begging my Mom for us to buy a puppy. I love animals and I really get frustrated (and inggit) with my friends who have dogs. Amanda has 4 dogs - a lhasa apso, a shih tzu, a mini pincher, and a jack russell terrier - in their apartment and Trency has her beagle.

I've helped them walk their pets because obviously I don't have my own pet to walk. And so last night when Mom showed me the ad she told me to call the owner and ask about the shots and the deworm and all the works. So I thought "oh wow! finally I get to have my pet!" I looked for several more "cheap" dog sellers, and sort of in a way Mom was supportive. I even suggested a beagle, but she said that shih tzus are cuter because they're furry.

So I got home and told her about the find. I contacted this dog owner who still had some puppies left. I told Mom, but got depressed. She suddenly unloaded on me "stuff I should think of". She tells me about where the dog will stay in the house, I told her I could buy a cage so she could still walk around without having to be tied. She asked about dog food, medications, the vet, and all that. But she didn't tell me that before I got all excited. I just fell so let down. I just feel like I was finally gonna get my dog. I've already thought of a name. I wanted to name he puppy Chowder if it were a boy, or Mars for a girl. I imagined having a doggy day with Amanda and Trency at Boni High Street, us having coffee while the dogs lounged side by side.

Right now, I still feel sooo bad. I don't want to think about the dog anymore. Maybe I won't have a dog at all. :(

One-of-a-kind V-day

I was very excited for Valentine's Day to come. Being single doesn't mean you'd sulk on the day love is celebrated. I had a date, too! I had a date with my Mom, and it was the best date we've gone to so far. Being a close-knit family, I enjoy the time I spend with Mom. Mom calls it bonding. And last night was a cool way to celebrate the day with two holidays (?) - Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day - and it was going on a tour with Old Manila Walks.

I've had this tour booked since January and I couldn't wait. I've always wanted to try the walking tour, and this was my chance to finally do it! I have to thank Jiggy Cruz for this. I'm a regular blog reader of his and I saw his entry on his walking tour experience. He looked like he had fun, so I went to the Old Manila Walks website, talked to Mom about it, and before I knew it I had reserved us a slot. Thanks for this Jiggy!! :)

So yesterday, we all met up at the Binondo Church and waited for the famous Ivan Man Dy. Surprisingly, The Big Binondo Food Wok stated on time (like they said it would!). We were a huge, eager group of 44, and I am simply amazed at how Ivan manages to get all of our attention. Hats of to Ivan! :D

It was a very busy day in Binondo, because it was Chinese New Year. We walked along the narrow streets of Binondo, going from one food stop to another. I have never had sooooo much Chinese food in one day. I have to say that I'm not a big fan of Chinese food, but the food we all got a taste of yesterday, were all sooo sooo good! And they were authentic Chinese food ha! Not the ones you buy in Chowking or the ones in those carton boxes with chopsticks. They're a lousy excuse for Chinese food, in my opinion. You gotta try the food served in Ivan's tour before you can actually say you've eaten real-ass Chinese food.

It's just too bad we didn't get to taste the exotic foods which Binondo/the Chinese are notorious for. I would have wanted to take a sip of the Soup #5 (go to Binondo and you'll know what I'm talking about harhar!). I remember when I was in college and was an ROTC officer (yikes!), my seniors (one of them was a pure Binondo-raised Chinese boy) brought all of us there and made us eat frog legs. I remember having a hard time swallowing the frog legs. It was in this place near the estero so I imagined they all got the frogs from there, and it was disgusting since the water of the estero reeked!

The tour ended 4 hours later and Ivan gave us all a surprise. We had freebies! Ivan gave us tikoy (a Chinese New Year must-eat!), chocolates inside ampao's, a copy of Yummy magazine, AND the Big Binondo Food Wok map. We all felt like kids being rewarded after a little bit of suffering. I am sure everyone enjoyed the tour. Not only did we fill our stomachs, Ivan also filled our minds with Binondo's history and trivia.

Every peso we paid Ivan was so worth it. I envy him actually, he gets paid for something he loves doing! Anyway, I highly recommend you pretty people to try this WOK-ing tour. You're gonna love it! Especially if you're a foodie, you'll be in 7th Heaven on this tour! I'm pretty sure I did enjoy every moment, I still have that Binondo high! :)

Pictures and details of the tour still to come! I haven't downloaded them yet! But i'll be posting them soon! :)

Look and Sounds of the Heart

I went to the Makati Medical Center to get my 2-D Doppler Echo and Electrocardiogram tests. I've been having shortness of breath, chest pains, and palpitations since last week and have seen a cardiologist who recommended I take these exams.

Last night I talked to my cardiologist-cousin who explained to me the exams. He gave me a couple of medicines for acid reflux, but I decided not to get it first until I get the results from the 2 exams. He said it might be Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). Google-d it but I still wasn't enlightened.

But back to the exams, I've undergone ECG exams before because of our yearly medical exam in my previous company. So I know how the procedure goes. But it was my first time to undergo the 2-D Doppler Echo. My cousin said it was to check for Mitral Valve Prolapse, whatever that is. All I know my friends, Mariko and Ms. Rina, have that, but I haven't seen anything wrong with them. Except for a few complaints of tachycardia (that's medical linggo for really fast heartbeat or palpitations).

Anyway, I got there and was asked to take off my top and lie on the bed sidewards. The nurse then told me the 2-D Doppler Echo is actually an ultrasound of my heart. Cool! She pressed this thingamajiggy on my chest and sometimes had to press down hard to get a clear image of my heart on the screen. It was a bit painful, but it was bearable. :)

So this is an example of what I saw on the screen. That's not my heart, it's just some random Google image. Maybe i'll post the actual picture of my heart on the screen when I get my results. But it was really cool to see my heart beating. Although I really couldn't make out the shape of my heart, as seen in encyclopedias. But it was beating, and it was really cool to see it!



But what got me surprised where the sounds that followed afterwards. I had to be quiet so I couldn't ask the nurse if that was the sound of a normal heartbeat. I heard like several variations of my heartbeat, and it was weird. It actually scared me. I couldn't even describe to you the sounds I heard. I listened to it as I lay on my side in the dark, hoping those sounds registered normal.

Results to come in 2-3 working days. I hope nothing bad register on the results. Although I am still comforted by the idea that the cardiologist told me that whatever it was I was experiencing, wouldn't lead to my death! Thank God! :D

The One Topic I've Been Avoiding...

...Has finally bit me in the ass. Get ready for a long blog because I have to just let it all out. I gotta project waiting to be finished, but what the heck! It can wait.

Last night Mom and I went to watch Did You Hear About The Morgans? We were eating dinner when I told Mom that I really wanted to go back to FAME. So there I was giving out reasons why I wanted to go back. It's not so much about Ninya, Jenny, or Chuchie, it's all about the work. I miss them, that's true! But I miss the work too! I am not an office person. It's just now that I'm on a different track of writing that I miss EDITORIAL work. I spend 10 hours facing the computer and it sucks! I know I blogged about maturity and all, but I just have to be true to myself and admit that I love my old job. I never had qualms about my former doctor-boss, but I had qualms with my then Managing Editor. She made the work that I love, look like shit. I felt shitty about going to work and seeing her face all over again. And then there was her legion of devil friends. God! They made our lives a living hell! So there! I had to leave because the earth was literally swallowing me whole and ALIVE! And yes, I didn't want to be stuck in a quagmire. Things were getting hotter and more personal. So I had to get out. But I didn't want to get out of there without a job replacement. I didn't want her to think that I left because I backed down on her. NO WAY WAS I BACKING DOWN! Not to someone who I personally believe is lower than me! Yes, I do have pride. And it was something I didn't plan on swallowing without putting up a fight. So I waited ever so patiently to get the hell out. I told my Mom that 3 months after leaving, I still stick to whatever arguments I gave. But since the madwoman's gone, and a new day has come, I am prepared to go back.

Although I did apply in a TV station just last week, I am not pinning my hopes on the idea I'd get in there. I told my friend, Ninya, that I'd wait out the results and the end of my 2nd contract here at my current work, before I make another decision.

Anyway, all I wanted to talk about was going back, when the conversation turned to that one thing I know I could still do without. Amanda, one of my best friends, has always asked me about it, and all I could tell her was that I don't want to talk about it yet. To me the future is a scary thought and one place I'm scared as hell to imagine. I have always known that the future can be really tough on me, since I'm an only child and don't have any siblings to rely on. We don't have a house to really call our own, except the one in our province. My Mom won't leave any will because there's really nothing to write. We're not rich, but I've always been thankful that I've lived a very, very comfortable life, and that I got to study in good schools and all that. I've been blessed and there's no doubt about that. I'm blessed to have a Mom like her! :)

But there is one thing that scares me, and that is the day when Mom's gone. Where will I go? What will happen to me? Now, you see why I've been trying to avoid this topic? The mere thought of it stresses me out! I've been delaying and delaying thinking about this because seriously I don't want to know. It's one scary ass shit. I'm scared to think about being alone, to live with my Tito and Tita (which is still uncertain), I'm scared to fend for myself. Maybe this is the result of being so protected. I don't know how it is to be independent.

And this was also one thought that got me. I'm turning 25 this September, and I'm still alone. The thought of being alone in the future scares me. I'm not even sure if I'll get married and have a family of my own. I don't want that to happen to me. I love my Mom but I just don't want to live a single life. I want to have my own kids, because if that happens I really wouldn't feel all alone. I wouldn't have to go through life envying my friends who hug and kiss their kids. It's scary that at this late an age, I'm still single and I don't want it to be a sign of my living a solitary life perhaps living with an aunt and uncle.

Yes, I'm scared. And right now, I'm at work fighting off tears. It's my first emotional blog. Mom says that talking about it can make me feel better. But it doesn't. I have this thing that if I don''t talk about it, it will seem like it's not there. Like when a baby sees a toy, and then when you hide it, it seems like they never saw the toy at all. And right now, I'm getting pissed off with Amanda. I texted her last night about having lunch with her today. I wanted to talk about this problem, but she never replied. I sent her an instant message, she logged out. Great! When she has a problem I'm like right there for her. Now that I need someone to talk to, she's unavailable! Great!

Anyway...I think you all have gotten the gist of my problem. I feel pathetic writing it in a stupid blog! I have friends right? So why do I have to write it here? Oh yeah...they're unavailable.................

My Heart's Telling Me Something

The past few days I've been having a really hard time breathing. I could feel my heart beating against my chest, it's been beating so hard the area around the shoulders have started to hurt, and my arms getting numb. I had to focus on my breathing just so I could keep up with my racing heartbeat. It has become a bit unbearable and a bit scary that I had to finally go and get myself checked. The cardiologist at the Makati Medical Center told me that I'd have to get a couple of tests before she could recommend medicines for me and even regulate my activities. But she told me to lessen my coffee intake, because it's one of the reasons why my heart has been beating too fast.

Darn! I'm such a coffee addict. I am sooo not gonna last a day without drinking a cup of steaming hot coffee. So my final resolve is to just take one cup of coffee the whole day! AND! If my friends and I decide to go to Starbucks or some other coffee shop, I'm just gonna order something decaffeinated like a strawberries and cream frap.

As for my other habits, I'm still gonna jog. Although I didn't jog last Wednesday because I was still having some difficulty in my breathing. Today and tomorrow I'm going to jog. It's the only thing that's been keeping me from getting fatter and fatter haha. I've missed my Tuesday and Wednesday jog already, so today and tomorrow I'm going to run!! :)

And also, when drinking sessions come along that's the only time I do the old vice. I'm gonna be like my officemate, she only does "the other vice" when she drinks, usually on a Friday night. But the rest of the week she's clean. And I'm gonna be like that. I'm not addicted to it. I've stopped several times, and not once did my hand or whole body shake like stories of some people say. For the past 3 days I've been clean. And since I'm not gonna be drinking 'til next Friday...I'll be clean 'til then!! :)

2010 will indeed be life changing...Perhaps for the better. Maybe this breathing problem will help me strive harder towards a healthier me! I am determined! But let's see as the days and weeks and months progress!! :)

Owing It All To Maturity

Last night a good friend of mine went on our usual run around the park. I couldn't go to the gym anymore so i decided (to compensate for lack of exercise) to jog in the park near work. I'm starting to get hooked to it. I can't last a week without running 3-4 times. The feeling after working out a sweat, is just absolutely amazing! Plus, since I got this weird breathing problem (which I just recently got), the running helps ease the breathing. I'm scared that if I stop running altogether, the breathing problem might get worse...yikes!

But the real kicker is that I get to spend about an hour or so with a really good friend! :)

After the run we had a good talk over dinner. We haven't jogged together in a while due to conflicting schedules, and so last night was jog night/catching up night. And since we were right smack in the middle of Salcedo Village, 9pm felt like 11pm. It was sooo quiet. And the mood soo relaxing. We ate dinner at Joey Pepperoni, and we both loved it because it was in a small corner, and just talked about life. About maturity.

We're both having work-related dilemmas. She's always told me she had problems with her co-workers. And based on her stories, they are the people you'd love to hate. They just seem so superficial and shallow. I've told her before not to mind them and just get on with her work. Which she's been doing and loving at the same time. She's doing what she loves to do, and so the people are the least bit of her problems!

Same problem with me. After almost 3 months in the new environment, I still haven't found my place just yet. I guess I'm autistic in that way. Change comes hard for me. I miss the old times when I felt that I was a part of a whole. I've shared this in my blog like a week back, so maybe expounding on it may come as redundant. But I still feel the sadness, and I guess it will still be there until God knows when. I am however allowing myself to just let the days pass.

And this, lead us both to our conversation on maturity. Looking at our problems, you'd just say it's petty. Maybe it is, but it can affect your entire day. Imagine being stuck in a rut in just one place, there's nothing else to think about or notice. Nothing else to keep your mind off it. So me and my friend just owed it all to maturity. We're not 18 anymore. We don't have the luxury to waste time. I'm turning 25 this year, my friend, 24. We need to think about our future. And so now, when we heave ourselves to work, all we think about is, "thank God we have a good job!" or "thank God I'm in a really good company!". Looking at it that way has helped me through the early days of 2010. I've been telling myself this to help me get to work. To enjoy it, kahit papaano. It's just soooooo easy to just up and leave and go back to the things I'm accustomed to.

My Mom was telling me the other day to change my attitude. Believe you me! Every waking day, I drill in this brain of mine that I got a good job in a better company. It's like my ala-The Secret thing. It's what gets me out of bed, put on decent clothes, and drive to work. The people you come in contact with are just secondary. The WORK and HOW you do it, is what TRULY matters. And every time a project comes my way, I open my mind to the thought that this is another bullet to my ever expanding arsenal. I gotta open my mind to a new aspect of writing. I gotta broaden my horizon. And I didn't lose much because I am still doing my first love - feature writing. So I guess I'm in a win-win situation.

If you read this you'd ask if I was just doing this to convince myself...YES! I am writing this to convince myself in staying here, because seriously I have not fully convinced myself just yet hahaha! As I said I have to be mature about this. I gotta forget about the superficial stuff, and focus on the necessary things. It's easy to give up and proclaim, "Fuck Maturity" to high heavens. But I'm choosing to push myself more.

I'm gonna treat this like running. At first you'd all be huffing and puffing after 2 or 3 rounds, giving up is soooo an option. But the more you run, and it becomes a habit, endurance kicks in. And sooner or later, you'll see yourself running 10 straight rounds without stopping. Your body would start looking for the rush when you don't go. Right now, I am waiting for that time when I can just run, run, run, and run, and not get tired and feel like my lungs would explode any minute.

And I know that time will come, maybe not in a week or in a month. With a bit more pushing, it will come. It will, because my so-called maturity paid off! :)